Home at last.

I be at home. And their Be a lot of news.

COMIC CON! The one thing I wish wouldn't sell out before I had enough Money to make it to San Diego and back. The New Moon Cast will be there again, and this time they should be a little more propared than what they were last year! Remember when Rob walked in? All nice and calm looking. He walked out and his hair was FLING! It will be on July 23rd. They say there might be a surprise or two. . . Which in other words means, whatever scene we get at MTV movie awards will be extended to more like last year they did with the Ballet Studio scene. And god I fell out of my seat watching as James dug his teeth into Bella's arm. CANT WAIT FOR THIS ONE!

If anyone of you want to go to this, then get your tickets quick.


Now. Do you remember that picture I gave in the last post I did? Wasnt that such a Tease? Well here is another one. The man in the car is the Stuntman.






In this pic it shows Montepulciano being transformed into Volturra. The Red Flags are what we are noticing here. Ironicly enough the sign says: Donate Blood.


Next my favorite News of all:

PREFACE


I’M QUITE CERTAIN that I am going to die today. If I were a betting man, I’d let it all ride on red—blood red—that I’ll get ripped limb from limb in just a few minutes. But let’s face it—I’ve been dying a slow death living in this godforsaken hellhole of a town these past several months. I gave up Phoenix with its eternal sunshine, palm trees, and strip malls for this? Do I have regrets? Hell, yeah!

For a brief shining moment, I have to stop and think of how my life has changed by coming to Sporks. How my hopes and dreams have been fulfilled beyond anything I could possibly have imagined. How, you ask? Well, I just saved a bunch of money on my truck insurance by switching to Geico. I kid, I kid.

Back to what’s happening here. Standing before me is a particularly disturbing guy with long, pointy fangs who invited me over for lunch, and I’m the main course. I sure hope he fills up on appetizers.




-LMAO DIES TEN THOUSAND TIMES OVER.-

Okay Okay I cant even explain this right. All I say is go to Twilightparody.com and that I AM BUYING THAT BOOK!!!!!!!!!!


I found Excerpts!


The first time Stella sees Edweird Sullen:



I continued to scan the Sullens’ table for another available stud and quickly found one who was nearly as hot as Casper. Again I queried Maria, this time about the youngest Sullen boy, trying to hide my newly-formed schoolgirl crush on him.

“The boy over there, with the perfect face, nose, eyes, and lips…and chiseled chin, broad shoulders, strapping chest and tree trunk arms…and that V-shaped torso, thin waist and muscular legs like that of an Olympic cyclist. And perfectly manicured finger and toenails. Who is he, and what’s his story?”

“Oh, that’s Edweird,” she said, rolling her eyes as if they were the seven and ten pins teetering and deciding whether to fall down or not. “He’s dreamy. But he doesn’t date. Apparently, even the best looking girls in the school are not good enough for him. Rumor has it that he’s only interested in five foot four, average looking dark haired girls who only recently moved to Sporks from a hot climate state beginning with the letter “A.” Go find someone who fits that description!” Maria dejectedly shook her head, the contents of her shot glass riding up and spilling over the sides. She leaned down close to the table, shot out her pink tongue and lapped up the droplets.

I now turned my full attention to Edweird. Edweird looked as though he was transplanted to Sporks from the pages of Greek mythology. He was tall, with long, lean muscles, perfect angular features, and boyish good looks -- remarkably like the boy who played Cedric Diggory in the Harry Potter movies, but with spiky hair. That’s all I’m going to tell you about Edweird now, but don’t you worry: I’ll be describing his perfection from this point on every chance I get in four -- count ‘em, four -- amazingly long (and expensive) books.





First glimpse of Dr. Carpile Sullen, M.D.



“Is she…dead?” asked Dr. Carpile Sullen, visiting surgeon at Sporks Community Medical Hospital. Dr. Sullen had just entered my hospital room, carrying a clipboard and a book of Mad Libs.

I sat up from my bed and put down the New York Times bestseller An Idiots Guide to Vampires and Werewolves. I looked up at the doctor, feebly forcing a smile on my face.

“I kid, I kid!” He blurted out, laughing so hard that his copy of Cracked Magazine flew out of his hand. “Hey, you don’t get an honorary medical degree from Sporks Community College Correspondence Medical School and Male Modeling University without developing a sense of humor.”

Dr. Sullen then pivoted around to examine himself in the full-length mirror attached to the closet door. He pouted his perfect plump lips, ran his hands through his brown, wavy hair, admiring his perfectly tanned complexion. He adjusted his Speedo under his cotton shorts, and ran his hands up and down his freshly shaven, ultra smooth legs. He smiled and winked at his own reflection. He was looking oh-so-fine, and he knew it. What was most puzzling to me, though, was why he was wearing shorts in the winter.


{I laughed so hard at the 'Idiots guide to Vampire and Werewolfs'}


Stella meets Yakob Brown, son of her father’s best friend:



“Hi, I’m Yakob Brown,” he said, extending his short, hairy arm toward me. “You must be Stella Crow, right?”

“Yes, that’s me.” I said shaking his hand. “I already know who you are, Yakob. Actually I don’t since we’ve never met. Harley has told me all about you. To be perfectly honest he’s said very little. Either way, it’s nice to meet you. And for now on you can call me ‘Isabella.’”

“Nice to meet you, Stella,” he said and then he yipped.

That was strange.

“You know that truck of yours – ‘Ol’ Lemon’ – that used to be mine,” Yakob said. “My dad was close to torching that suicide machine and driving it off the side of a cliff. But your dad wanted to buy it, so my pop gave it to him for just a few grand, with low, low financing. I guess you must have swiped it from your old man.”

“Actually, he gave it to me as a welcome home gift.” I said. “He wanted to make my move to Sporks as smooth as possible, and this was his way of doing it.”

“Harley’s a moron, but he has a heart of gold,” Yakob boldly said. “Of course, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.”

“I agree, and no, you’re not.”

“I’m a bit surprised Ol’ Lemon is still running, to be perfectly honest,” Yakob said. “Have you passed out behind the wheel from the carbon monoxide fumes spewing from the air vents? Has the clutch given out, or have the brakes failed? Have you repaired the rusted out holes in the radiator? How about the leaky gas tank, constant oil drip, misaligned front and back wheels, damaged struts, improperly rebuilt engine, or the busted speedometer? Those things holding up?”

“So far so good,” I said, feeling both impressed and horrified by his honesty and boyish innocence. “I even managed to make the car’s interior look respectable once I vacuumed up all the dog hair. How many dogs do you have?”

He looked at me quizzically, not saying anything, scratched his ear with his left hand and then licked the back of it.

[I am crying from this one. The last line had me rollllin!]


Stella and Edweird pause before setting off on their hike through the woods:



“But before we go,” Edweird continued, “let’s pause for a moment so you can admire my amazing physique. Take it away, Stella.”

I could barely concentrate on what Edweird had just said to me. I was completely distracted by his Adonis-like physique. His skin-tight shirt, buttoned nearly to the top, had perfectly framed and accentuated his muscular man-boobs. His cutoff jeans, circa 1970, did little to conceal his ripped hips, thighs and buttocks. The stubble from his freshly shaven chest danced like raindrops off his cool white skin. At this very moment, I wanted him more than I ever wanted any other man, and nearly every other woman.

“Um, are you finished gawking at me, Stella?” He asked with a sly smile.

“Uh, sure,” I replied. “At least for now.”

“Good. We better get an early start on our hike, so I don’t have to carry you on my friggin’ back before it gets pitch black.”


[hehe Man Boobs.]